The Desk of Requirement
by senawario
Summary: This fic was "inspired" by reading a completely pointless fic where Remus and Sirius read the epilogue, and basically just smile and grin to themselves, happy that Harry is alive and well and all that. They don't actually **do** anything. As I said, pointless. So I decided to xkcd 386 that one-shot ;-)
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1: The Desk of Requirement**

 **Legal Disclaimer** anything you recognise in this story belongs to someone else, most likely to JK Rowling and/or her business partners. Any characters you _don't_ recognise are mine. The specific plot in this fic may be mine; I say "may be" because fanfiction is vast, and one can never be sure there isn't a very similar one elsewhere. I'm not getting anything out of writing this except the satisfaction of fixing what **I** perceive to be brokenness elsewhere in HP land.

Rated M for swearing in later chapters (however common some of them appear to be in many walks of life!)

 **The story is complete, and chapters have been posted all at once.**

* * *

(Context: somewhere in 5th year. This fic was "inspired" by reading a completely pointless fic where Remus and Sirius read the epilogue, and basically just smile and grin to themselves, happy that Harry is alive and well and all that. They don't actually **do** anything.

As I said, pointless. So I decided to xkcd 386 that one-shot ;-)

I did start it as a one-shot, but then the story ran away from me! That's life I guess...)

* * *

Sirius was not a happy person.

It all started a month or so ago, when Hermione owled Sirius to say that the Umbridge woman was actively targeting Harry, and that during his last detention with her, the _bitch_ (yes, Hermione swore in a letter!) had used a quill without ink that caused Harry's hand to bleed.

Then came the news that Harry was being taught occlumency by Snape (she did not prefix "Professor" to the name), and had come back with the mother of all headaches from the first session, as well as a deep rooted fear that Snape would soon learn all his secrets.

Remus, just before leaving on some mission for the old meddler, had strongly cautioned him from doing anything, and said "it will all work out in the end, don't worry". Bloody werewolf, still blinded by gratitude for something that was 20 years old now.

He thought for a long time about things. Depressed, he walked into his grandfather's office, and started cleaning it. He had hitherto not wanted to enter this room, and had also forbidden Kreacher from entering it. Now he needed something mind-numbingly boring and tedious to do, and this fit, since parts of the room seemed to be magic resistant and had to be cleaned manually.

* * *

Having spent the better part of an hour cleaning, he sat himself down at the magnificent desk. It was probably a few hundred years old if it was a day, and yet it looked fantastic. What was more, it seemed to have an internal magic of its own. Nothing dark (unlike most of the stuff in this cursed house) but unknown and mysterious for all that. Sirius spent a few hours trying to discover what that was.

Giving up after some time, he put his hands on the smooth top, rested his head on them, face down, and took himself back to thinking about Harry.

"I wish I knew how Harry's life would turn out in the end!", he whimpered quietly.

And a book dropped down, as if literally from the heavens, and bounced off the top of his head, landing on the desk beside his face.

Sirius reared back in shock. Recovering, he checked it for curses and jinxes, and carefully opened it. It appeared to be a muggle book, and also appeared to be the seventh in some series about his godson.

Wondering how this book had materialised, he read past the front matter, only to find the pages were... unreadable. He could make out they had writing on them, but he could not focus on them. In frustration, he flipped the book's pages and found quite by chance that the last few pages _were_ readable. That was evidently the **epilogue** of the book.

* * *

After throwing up, cleaning himself up, then throwing up again, Sirius finally decided to sit down and think about this.

Clearly, Molly, or her daughter, had done a number on his godson. He had already seen her looking at Harry greedily - and not the teenage hormone kind, which would at least have been understandable. There was more to this than just physical attraction.

And then... Snape! Of all people, the greasy **bastard** had faked his way into Harry's good books to the point that Harry would name a son after him? What rubbish. The son of a bitch had made Harry's life miserable all these years, and even now was raping his mind, and Harry names a son after him?

This had to be Dumbledore's doing. He had always had a soft spot for the greasy git - vouched for him personally to make sure he got off even without a trial, while he, Sirius, had been chucked in without a trial - and clearly there was something afoot.

Something needed to be done. Both the long term problem of Molly and Ginny, and the immediate ones of Umbridge and Snivellous.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2: A Prince's Ransom**

For disclaimers please see chapter 1.

Sirius thought for a long, long, time. He first considered using polyjuice and going as someone else and confronting Umbridge and Snape. Then he thought about putting out a contract on Snape. (His family wasn't Black for nothing, and he was sure he could find and call upon such... "resources"... if needed. It may be expensive but God knows he had more than enough money!). He wondered if calling Amelia would help - but he should have done that long ago. She might not kill him on sight, but she would certainly insist on taking him into custody, and after that, who knew what would happen!

Eventually, he settled on a plan.

First, he needed to cause a meeting to happen. But before that, he needed to prepare the entry hallway with a special trap, one that could be triggered, and monitored, from his study.

* * *

" **What the hell were you thinking going to Gringotts**?", thundered Dumbledore. "Why did you risk getting caught? You know you were seen in the lobby don't you?"

Sirius raised an eyebrow. haughtily. "I see you brought your, ahem, _Inner Circle_ , with you".

"What? What do you mean?"

"Well, you know: you, Snivellous, and McGonagall. Just like Voldemort has his inner circle, you have yours", smirked Sirius. "And Snivellous - Slytherin that he is, is in _both_ of them! Priceless!"

Without letting any of them react to what he said, he barrelled on. "What I do at Gringotts is between me and the goblins. What I want to hear from you is why are you letting this Umbridge woman use a blood quill on my godson and other students, and why are you letting this bastard mind-rape him on top of the bloody quill".

McGonagall gasped. She clearly had not known. "A blood quill?"

Sirius glared at her.

" **You risked getting caught!** ", screamed Dumbledore, not wanting to be side-tracked.

"As I said, the topic is not my trip to Gringotts. The topic is Harry's treatment at this bastard's hands, among other things. Fucking coward - can't touch me or Remus, so he's taking it out on a kid who can't fight back, both by age and by authority".

Snape roared something incomprehensible - spittle flying out of his mouth - and charged Sirius. Sirius waved a hand and muttered something, which knocked Snape flying into the wall.

"Half-blood son of a bitch never learned that you can't fight a Lord in his own home, huh? Well of course not, all the other Lords he knows, he doesn't fight them, he just sucks-"

" **Sirius** ", screamed McGonagall, cutting him short.

"Just saying, I can understand why the cowardly wuss would not have known not to try what he just tried", growled Sirius.

"Where is this angst coming from, Sirius?", asked Dumbledore. "And why would you cheapen your talk with such unusually bad language?"

" **Well, it's either that or I gut him where he stands for what he did. Would you prefer the latter?** ", shouted Sirius, once again visibly shaking with anger. It seemed his anger was going up and down - anything could provoke the next round.

By now Snape had recovered somewhat. He had heard some part of the conversation, enough to not try anything more. "One day you will come out of this house, Black, and I will be waiting. You will not live, I swear to you".

Dumbledore looked a little troubled. Depending on how serious the intent behind that "swear" was, this could be a bad business all round.

"Enough, Severus. I think you should leave. I will explain to Sirius why your occlumency lessons with young Harry are important, and need to continue", he said. "Minerva, you should go too".

"Wait, I need to ask McGonagall something", said Sirius. If anyone noticed he said that very slightly breathlessly, they attributed it to his altercation with Snape and his still very much visible anger.

Severus left the room with a smirk. He knew Sirius would not get his way. Albus would always do what he, Severus, suggested, over anyone else's concerns.

Sirius settled back in his chair, trying to calm down by staring at the desk top, and idly tapping his wand against a slightly mismatched patch of wood on his side. Everyone was silent - Dumbledore and McGonagall deciding to wait his anger out.

Somewhere in the house, a bell chimed.

As if coming to his senses, Sirius took a deep breath. "I am sorry, I am so steamed right now I can't think straight". Swivelling his chair to McGonagall, he asked, "Why are you pretending you didn't know about the blood quills? Harry came to you about it and you refused to hear anything against Umbridge. You told him 'keep your head down'".

"I- I- I did not realise it was something so serious. The students complain about all kinds of things, most of them are not-"

"And was Harry ever the kind to do that?", broke in Sirius.

"No, Harry was not. I should have taken that into account", she said, hanging her head.

He stood from the chair, and turned to Dumbledore.

"Perhaps you both should leave now. I suggest we meet again in a few days, but until then, please stop the occlumency lessons. I will teach Harry the basics during Christmas, then Snape can continue in January".

Dumbledore nodded, and then he and McGonagall left.

* * *

 **The next morning, in the Great Hall**

Dumbledore looked around in puzzlement. Severus had not come to breakfast, which was not normal at all. Come to think of it, he had not seen him at dinner last night too, but had just assumed Voldemort had summoned him.

 _Maybe I should go and check on Severus's quarters_ , he thought. He could have summoned an elf to go and check on his friend, but that wouldn't show the right amount of concern and caring. Besides, he needed to know firsthand what the problem, if any, was.

He arrived at Snape's office, finding it empty. The private (no students allowed) lab next to it, and the potions classroom were likewise empty, at least if you did not count the third year Hufflepuff class patiently waiting.

He came back to Severus's office and went through into the private quarters behind. Nothing.

He turned to leave, when, glancing at the fireplace, he saw a piece of muggle paper just outside the fire. Muggle paper, in Hogwarts, was extremely rare; in fact it was extremely rare in the British wizarding world - only some of the colonies used it - so it kinda stood out.

He picked up the paper (there was no need to check for curses and jinxes; muggle paper could not hold them), and read it.

 **I'll be blunt, mate. I'm a big time scam artist, and I'm running a huge scam on one of the richest blokes in your neck of the woods - someone called Black.**

 **Unfortunately, for my scam to work, he needs to be free to do stuff, and right now that ain't the case. He's a prisoner in 'is own home, and it looks like it's all your fault. Or as near as makes no matter.**

 **Yesterday he was out and about in the bank, but one of your people hustled him out as soon as he was done there. That won't do. He needs to be free to go to the bank and to other places, meet people, have people talk to**

 **Now, I got friends in low places, and they tell me as you're not the kind to listen to reason. They tells me you ain't gonna do nothing less'n you're forced. So here's the deal mate. If you want your potions master back in one piece, you do just what I say, no more, and no less:**

 **1\. get Black free. I don't care how you do it, he needs to be free and able to walkabout unmolested by law enforcement, and his reputation must be completely restored.**

 **2\. do NOT tell Black about me. If you endanger my scam, you won't get your potions master back.**

 **3\. you'll get your potions master back in one piece a month after Black is free. That is how long it will take me to run my scam. Until I free your potions master, you will do ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to give ANY HINT to ANYBODY that you are under ANY KIND OF PRESSURE. After he is free, you can do whatever you damn well want - even publish this letter in your local version of the Herald for all I care.**

 **You have one week to get this done. After that, every day, you will get back one digit of Snape's limbs. I'll start with the toes, being a nice guy and all, but if you let it go to the fingers - well mate 'ave you ever 'eard of a potions master without a thumb?**

There was, needless to say, no signature.

Dumbledore quickly cast as many detection charms in the area as he could think of, but found nothing unusual. The note itself was apparently pushed through the floo, but it was too late now to try and trace it back.

He quickly went to his office, and summoned all the portraits and ghosts, to ask if anyone had seen anything. No one had.

Dumbledore dismissed them and sat back in his chair. This was terrible. Having Sirius out of _his_ prison, with a restored reputation, would make it more difficult to keep Harry in **his** prison. And _that_ conditioning was essential, because of the scar and Harry's ultimate fate.

But Severus was equally important. What to do... what to do...

He dare not call an order meeting. In fact, he dare not even go to Grimmauld Place and ask Sirius who this scammer might be, in case Sirius wizened up to whomever was running the scam - Sirius's **money** was the least of his worries.

He took the piece of paper out and looked at it again. _A curious mix of proper and colloquial English, but which is fake and which is real?_ , he thought. _And 'the Herald'? The only Herald I know is the Sydney Magical Herald - is this person from Australia?_

Of course, all that got him nowhere.

 _Nothing for it now_ , he sighed to himself.

* * *

 **One week later**

Harry was waiting in the common room for Hermione to come down so they could go for breakfast. When Hermione came down a few minutes later, she found Harry in an unusually good mood. She had not seen him this jovial in more than a year, and while she was happy for him, she was also intensely curious.

"No Hermione, I won't tell you. You'll read about it in the Prophet when we get to the hall and the owls come in".

" **Harry James Potter!** I am your best friend, or at least one of two. You have a duty to tell me"

"I didn't tell Ron yet. Why are you more special?"

Hermione huffed, and pouted.

This was too much for Harry. He finally gave in to an impulse he'd been having ever since the goblet threw out his name.

"Changing the subject very slightly, Hermione, I was wondering something. Would you care to accompany me to Hogsmeade on the next Hogsmeade day?"

She blinked. Then blinked again.

"Just to be clear, you mean the two of us. Without Ron".

Harry nodded.

"Why are you asking me now?"

Harry grinned sheepishly. "Normally I would be a nervous wreck, and in fact my courage has failed me on many occasions. But today's news is so good, so fantastic, that my nerves can risk this. I won't immediately die of despair if you say no."

"Hmphh, that doesn't sound like a compliment", she said.

"You'll understand when you hear the news. Meanwhile... Hogsmeade?"

Hermione smiled. "It's a date!"

Harry whooped! "Double great day today. Erm, Hermione, would you, I mean, what would you say if I asked you to be my girlfriend?"

To cut a long story short, things went along expected lines, and after they had stopped to take a breath, Hermione grinned. "Does that make me more special than Ron?"

So he told her his good news.

* * *

The Great Hall was as noisy as usual, but for some reason there was extra noise around the Gryffindor table. This was not because Snape had yet to make a comeback - although that was already sufficient reason for some cheering and whooping. No, there was more to this than just the absence of one greasy potions master.

All the joy was from Harry, and the news was in the Prophet. **Sirius Black innocent** , screamed the headline. The following article described how Dumbledore had found that Sirius Black had not even had a trial the first time around, and - despite not being the Chief Warlock - had managed to convince enough purebloods in the Wizengamot to give him a trial, because what does it say about the wizarding world if a pureblood Lord could be sent to Azkaban without even a trial.

There was no mention of where Sirius had been hiding all these months, nor how he had escaped.

There was a prominent side-bar that said Fudge had been told Sirius was innocent, by the boy-who-lived himself, but refused to believe him, choosing instead to reinforce the kiss-on-sight order against Sirius.

There was also mention of the fact that Sirius had sued Fudge, in his personal capacity, for refusing to listen to his godson's protestations that he, Sirius, was innocent. Sirius's claim was that as minister, he was duty bound to ensure there was a trial, therefore what he did was _not_ done in his official capacity. This amazingly twisted reasoning was, however, very palatable to the Wizengamot, since this allowed them to save themselves from the repercussions, leaving only Fudge out to dry.

Sirius, therefore, was taking him for all he was worth. Since Fudge was on the scene when he was arrested, Sirius was also claiming 14 years lost pay ( _plus_ interest, compound of course), mental harassment, suffering, pain, trauma, reputation loss, and whatever else his lawyers could throw in.

Meanwhile, Dumbledore made a bland announcement in the hall that Professor Snape had been urgently called away on some business, and he would be back only after a month. During this time, a replacement professor would take over. The Slytherins were surprised and disappointed, while the other three houses cheered.

* * *

Snape did return a month later. He had clearly been tortured badly, at least in mind if not in body. That is, physically, Poppy could find nothing wrong. But he was a nervous wreck, twitching so badly there was no way he would ever be able to make any but the simplest potions. He also refused to look anyone in the eye - his occlumency shields were permanently shot, and he seemed incapable of rebuilding them. A surface legilimancy scan was as good as a deep, intrusive, experts-only, scan.

Dumbledore refused to let him answer the call the next time he got a summons from Voldemort. The excruciating pain caused by ignoring the call, starting from his left hand but eventually shooting all over his body, was much preferable to the death that must surely follow if Severus went to Voldemort without any mind shields.

Whoever had kidnapped him, had not kept his word. He ranted and raved at this, at the next order meeting - careful to do this well after a month from the date that Sirius was declared innocent and free.

Sirius asked for the parchment, and said, "well, I did lose a fair bit of money a few days ago, and I _think_ I know who it was but can't tell you. Meanwhile, this note is interesting. It only says 'in one piece' - in fact it uses that phrase twice, indicating he promised only physical safety. He was underhanded, but he did not break his word".

* * *

The next day, Umbridge disappeared from Hogwarts. No one noticed immediately, not even Dumbledore.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3: Has anyone seen a toad?**

For disclaimers please see chapter 1.

* * *

By the time anyone cared to notice that Umbridge seemed to have disappeared, the trail, in terms of any spell residue or other magical signs, had gone cold. The ghosts and statues did not report seeing her leave the castle, and in any case she had a floo in her office. (And if anyone noticed that Sirius's godson's brilliant muggleborn girlfriend had entered the defence professor's office _without_ a pending detention, and left shortly after, with a suspicious bulge in her pocket, they didn't say anything.)

Fudge, who had already lost a lot of clout due to the Black trial, and was pissed as hell about the pending lawsuit (though the latter was being kept out of the press), was gunning for Dumbledore - whom he indirectly blamed for all his troubles anyway. He saw the disappearance of a professor, from right under the long, crooked, nose of the headmaster, as an opportunity to get back at him. He didn't particularly care about her - she was just a tool, to him ( _both_ of them would have been very surprised to know the feeling was mutual!), but he made a big deal out of how valuable she was, and what a tragedy it was that she was missing, and so on.

Amelia Bones was summoned to investigate the case. Naturally, she started at Hogwarts, in Umbridge's office, for clues.

Standard protocol was to look for dark magic first, then start poking around the purported crime scene, because aurors could suffer serious injuries if they were not careful.

So that is what she did, and hit pay dirt. A set of blood quills, two of them even appeared to have been used recently.

A quick look at the detentions register revealed a set of names. Those students were summoned, and asked some questions.

Based on their answers, the case was re-labelled, from "missing", to "absconding, wanted in connection with torture of students under her care".

The press was **not** informed. Instead, Amelia quietly decided to investigate the woman's office in the Ministry, looking for further clues. At first, they only found stashes of mildly incriminating documents, mostly just records of petty bribes and such.

The paydirt took a lot longer to find this time, and the case was re-labelled to "wanted in connection with torture of students in her care, and attempted murder of the Boy-Who-Lived". This time, the press _was_ informed.

Not knowing any of this, Fudge had issued a fresh statement expressing confidence in his under-secretary, and praising her work ethic and so on.

By sheer bad luck, this ran in the left-most column of the front page, right under the banner headline saying **Umbridge attempted to murder BWL** , and next to an article that described the whole dementor episode in gory detail. It included details of the trial, focusing especially on "someone" having changed the time of the trial without informing the defendant, and on an inside page even had the transcript of the trial.

To most people, Amelia was merely a cop, and politics was not her game. But the best politician, like the best Slytherin, is one who doesn't appear to be one!

* * *

When this came out, Sirius Black and Remus Lupin (who by this time had come around to Sirius's way of thinking) stormed into Fudge's office. Remus Lupin picked him up by his neck, and held him dangling a foot in the air, gasping for breath, while Sirius challenged him to a duel for conspiring to murder both himself _and_ his godson.

His protestations that he did not know anything about dementors were not heard. No one could quite hear what he was saying anyway, because of the way Remus was holding him up.

" **DO YOU ACCEPT?** ", roared Sirius for the third time, and finally, hoping the werewolf would let him go, he nodded yes.

Remus dropped him, and he fell in a heap.

"Tomorrow at noon, in the DMLE dueling practice room", snarled Sirius, and left, Remus close behind. Abruptly, Sirius turned around, and looked at the aurors who had rushed in to - ostensibly - protect the Minister.

"If any of you think of bringing an action against my friend here, for being a werewolf, well - after I dispose of that piece of shit, you're next. I don't take attempts on my family lightly, and Remus is my brother".

(Sirius did not realise this, but the news that someone in the ministry had sent dementors to murder Harry Potter was so shocking that even the aurors who had rushed in to the minister's office could actually understand Sirius's anger, and would not have bothered to protect Fudge.)

Still, a brave reporter, who did - it seems - catch what Fudge had been croaking, asked, "Lord Black, Minister Fudge says he did not know about the dementors, and he looks scared enough that I am sure it was the truth".

"They acquitted Harry based on evidence from Mrs Figg that there were indeed dementors there. If he really did not know about them beforehand, should he not have ordered an investigation into _why_ they were there and who sent them?", snarled Sirius.

* * *

Sirius had originally planned to simply obliviate Umbridge of the last 4 months and send her to St Mungo's. Now, though, knowing she had attempted to murder Harry, he changed his plans quite drastically. He obliviated her of all knowledge of magic, and all knowledge of her name, antecedents, friends (hah! as if!), and everyone in the ministry, then had Dobby throw her into the middle of some random city in eastern Europe. If she lived, she lived. If she didn't, well, so be it.

* * *

The next morning, the entire staff of the ministry were gathered to watch the duel. Dumbledore appeared, and started to spout some rules about sitting ministers being immune to some types of charges, and so on, but Madam Longbottom told him he was wrong. A duel was a personal thing - the fact that he was minister had no bearing on it.

If the audience were expecting something spectacular, they were disappointed. Sirius's first spell was a devastating bone breaker that crushed most of Fudge's ribcage, and left him near death.

By the rules of the duel, they had to wait ten seconds for him to get up on his own. Even a medical intervention was not allowed unless he yielded, but since he was unconscious, he could not yield.

* * *

The staff of St. Mungo's had a special place in their hearts for Harry Potter, over and above the whole boy-who-lived thing. Lily Potter was a trainee healer for a time, and quit only when Harry was due to be born. The child was born in the hospital, and he had - as most babies can, by the way - charmed everyone who met him.

The idea that a politician would attempt to murder a child, any child, was bad enough, but _this_ child?

Fudge was lucky there was such a thing called the Hippocratic oath.

The irony was that Fudge really did not know about the dementors, but, due to his inaction after the trial, and his praise of the person who was absolutely _proven_ to have actually attempted the murder, no one believed he had not at least agreed with the plan.

When he finally got out of hospital after 2 months, his account at Gringotts had been cleaned out.

* * *

When a sitting minister is implicated in a high profile attempted murder, the handover to a new minister is anything but smooth. Most importantly, all records pertaining to all the decisions taken by Fudge were now suspect, and at least the major ones needed to be re-examined. To help narrow down this task, since there would be thousands of such actions, decisions, memos, executive orders, and so on, the DMLE had to basically take over his office **and** home, and go through every document found in those places with a fine-toothed comb.

This, of course, led to more work for the DMLE, because there were now records of much bigger bribes than Umbridge had been capable of.

And most of these were from one source: Lucius Malfoy.

Unfortunately, Lucius Malfoy had been lying low ever since the Black trial. Rumour also had it that the dark lord (since, now, no one doubted Harry's version), was a guest at Malfoy Manor. (As much as a dark lord could be a "guest" that is).

A sharp eyed auror caught one entry: 500 galleons to have a hippogriff "convicted" of attacking his son. He pointed that out to Amelia, saying, "Boss, I can't believe he'd be so petty as to go after a dumb animal who was just acting according to its nature. There must be something else behind this."

Amelia looked at the date, and realised that was the same day Sirius had escaped from custody in Hogwarts. So she called him in.

* * *

Sirius considered what Amelia was asking him, and realised this was an attempt to get back at Hermione in a particularly sadistic way, because Hermione _had_ told him, last summer, that she had tried to read as much of wizarding law as she could to try and protect Buckbeak from being killed for no reason. She had even slapped Draco, though he wasn't sure if that was before or after this bribe would have been paid.

He told Amelia this, and left. Compared to many of the other issues, this was a trivial matter, to Amelia, so she set it aside.

By the end, they had counted several dozen instances of outright bribery. It would take ages to correct all of them, and indeed many of them were hard or impossible to correct, and the victims could at best receive some compensation. All of this, plus penalties and fines, were assessed on Fudge's personal wealth, though even that was not enough to completely cover the amount due.

* * *

Sirius went back home and told Remus why Buckbeak was nearly executed. "I mean, I knew this had happened, but I never gave a thought to _why_ , never even realised that there was so much intentional malice behind it", he said.

"What do you propose to do about it?"

Sirius just smiled.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4: The biter bit!**

For disclaimers please see chapter 1.

* * *

 **A couple of months later**

Voldemort was tired of sitting on his "throne", and was now pacing in his "throne room", in Malfoy Manor. Only the wards he had laid on top of the building's own wards were letting him stay on - he knew that ownership of the manor had passed from Malfoy a few days ago.

It had started with Snape's disappearance, more than three months ago. The Malfoy brat had told his father what Dumbledore had announced, but that did not convey much information. He had tried to call him through the mark, to no avail. He had suspected his loyalties, when - one fine day - Snape had apparently come back, but with his magic, his nerves, and his occlumency shot to hell. (He had not even been able to resist the mildest questioning from the Malfoy lad). Lucius had tried to contact him in Hogwarts but Dumbledore had rebuffed him. _Oh how I would love to read his mind now..._ , thought Voldemort with some glee.

After that, it was Draco Malfoy disappearing from Hogwarts, though no one actually knew about it for a while. By the time they had found out, Lucius and Narcissa had left the country, most of the Malfoy wealth had become inaccessible, and the Malfoy wards on the manor had fallen (indicating a change of owner). _I should have put it under the Fidelius_ , he thought to himself, but it was too late. You had to place the charm with the consent of the owner to begin with, though it did not require that the owner continue to consent - once placed, it would stay, so that would have been perfect protection.

Very soon after - bare days later, in fact - a whole bunch of children disappeared from Hogwarts, all together. Every single child whose parent, grand-parent, uncle, or aunt, was one of his faithful, had been spirited away on a Hogsmeade weekend, according to Nott.

Nott had come to him for help ( _how quaint!_ , thought Voldemort) in retrieving his son from whoever had kidnapped him. At that time he had mentioned that several other parents were in the same boat.

Voldemort knew immediately what this was - it was exactly what happened to Draco - and he had threatened his death-eaters with a painful death if they abandoned him. Nott (the foolish man!) was left writhing on the carpet from a crucio held for almost two minutes, while Voldemort demonstrated what would happen to death-eaters who put their children before their lord and master.

When he started to extract magical oaths from the others that they would not abandon him in order to find their children, he found out exactly how much power he had. Apparently, men who had no qualms about murdering and raping muggles and muggleborn to please their master, were suddenly very skittish when it came to the safety of their own children. It only took one - Bulstrode, of all people - standing at the edge of the room, to blast open the door behind him (on the 3rd attempt - so panic-stricken was he), run out of the anti-apparition ward, and apparate out.

In his haste, one of his wild blasts had hit a corner of a rune-engraved stone, hidden cunningly just above the door frame, disguised as a painting. This stone kept the wards powered, and with its partial destruction, they just fell apart. Everyone could _feel_ the anti-apparition ward go down.

Every single one of his death-eaters who had a child at Hogwarts - even if it was a niece or nephew or or grand-niece or grand-nephew or grand-child - then disapparated. It was probably the single biggest mass apparation in the ranks that was _not_ ordered by Voldemort.

This left only the ones who did not have anyone at Hogwarts - and there were quite a few of them. The situation looked to be salvageable, and could be made much better if he could release his faithful from Azkaban (that plan had been delayed due to events with Snape, then the Malfoy kidnapping).

But things hadn't gotten any better.

At the next day's meeting, Avery, Jugson, Selwyn, and Travers had failed to show. He found he was unable to call for them, so - in all likelihood - they were dead. He sent Runcorn to investigate.

Runcorn came back saying that all four houses were burnt down. Someone had been using their own tactics from the first war - seal the house, disable the floo, put up anti-apparation and broom charms, then use magical fire to burn the whole thing down.

He had even gone to the ministry to check if Edgecombe had defected, but she swore she was still on their side. She even showed them her work order sheets.

Voldemort resisted the impulse to torture Runcorn. "Shoot the messenger" was suddenly out of fashion.

* * *

The next night, he had lost five more of his faithful. Exactly the same way. Three were not very well-known, but something needed to be done, so he personally visited Gibbon's house, taking Nagini with him.

"Tell me what you smell, my dear", he hissed at her. She spent a few minutes running around the burnt shell of the large house, then came back with a half-burnt piece of paper in her jaws. Dropping it at his feet, she hissed, "I smell a werewolf, master".

Voldemort picked up the paper. It was clearly a list, and in Lucius's hand.

He sat for a long time, thinking about this. This had all started with Malfoy. Malfoy knew every single thing about his, Voldemort's, plans - primaries, backups, and contingencies. He knew his funding sources, names of potential supporters, what kinds of support they could provide (their money, their wand in his service, or both). He knew all sorts of other details, so many that even Voldemort himself had found himself missing his right hand man over the last month or so.

Malfoy had to be the leak. Oh he would not have leaked in willingly - they must have used the truth serum on him. He was confident Lucius would not break under mere torture - after all, what could be worse than his, Voldemort's, own torture curse? And Malfoy had suffered that quite often.

It was clear though, that, however it had happened, Malfoy _had_ indeed given up details.

Because, once the sentimental fools who had children ( _even grand-children! How dare they consider a grand-child more important than their Lord?_ , he fumed to himself) in Hogwarts were dealt with - and he had yet to hear how that had happened - his attackers, whoever they were, had started with his most able and/or affluent supporters. No one even _knew_ Selwyn was so important to him, and Travers had mostly lain low all through the first war. Hell, Dolohov was much more high profile, as far as anyone knew, yet they had unerringly targeted the most dangerous ones first.

 _Curse Malfoy for not having taken precautions against truth serum!_

Anyway, the next target was apparently Rookwood. Time to set a trap.

 _Werewolf, huh?_ , he thought. He knew just whom to call.

* * *

The next morning, he got word that Greyback had been killed, along with Dolohov, Rookwood and Yaxley. Greyback was not killed magically - a muggle shotgun with silver bullets had got him - too fast and too wide for him to dodge. The other three had apparently put up a valiant fight, judging from the damage to Rookwood's house, but had succumbed in the end.

The house was not burnt down this time - either they had been surprised by the ambush and changed their plans, or - since the occupants were dead anyway - saw no reason to bother.

Or... they had left a note for him. Curious, he picked it up and read.

 _Thanks for putting all your best eggs in one basket, you moron_ , it said.

He couldn't even bring himself to rant and rave. Who would he curse? Himself? There was no one around.

He was all alone.

And then, suddenly, he was not. Ranged around him were Black, Lupin, Bones, and Moody.

Within a split second, his wand was launching killing curses in wild abandon, although with only four targets, spaced that far apart, even his prodigious speed could not hope to cover all of them adequately.

He felt a bone breaker hit his elbow, just where his wand was a fraction of a second ago. "Are you targeting my wand? Do you think I cannot do wandless magic?" he shouted at the implied insult.

A loud, mirthful laugh came from behind him. He turned around in anger, a dark curse on his lips, but wanting first to confirm who it was.

The distraction cost him dear.

When he next woke up, he was tied hand and foot, his body weak from blood loss. He could not explain how he had lost so much blood - bone breakers do not cause bleeding.

His puzzled look got him an answer from someone he could not see.

"We drained you of the blood you stole from my godson".

 _Aah, Black then. Bastard_ , he seethed.

"I still appear to have some", he said nonchalantly. He wasn't feeling so nonchalant but appearances had to be maintained.

"Oh we don't want you dead yet. In fact we bled you too much, so now we need to waste some perfectly good blood replenishing potion on you. Open wide".

Surprised, he opened wide.

Only to find more than a few teaspoons of veritaserum go down his throat.

"Oops sorry; I didn't realise this was not the blood replenishing potion", smirked Black. As if... one was red, the other was clear.

* * *

 **A few weeks later, in Grimmauld**

It was the Christmas holidays, and Harry and Hermione, along with Hermione's parents, were at Grimmauld. Kreacher had been sent off with the Malfoys back when this whole thing had started, and Dobby had taken his place. A happier elf there never was!

"So, spill...", said Hermione.

"Umm no, dearie. The less you know, the less you will be at risk."

Hermione just looked at him, as if to say "try the other one".

"I've learned occlumency, and so has Hermione", said Harry. "You already tested us".

Point.

"OK I'll be brief. Let's start with boarding up the bad guys floos. I did not go to the ministry and bribe someone. So here's a hint: our floo here does not actually serve as a fireplace, it is _only_ a floo. Most wizarding households have floos that do double duty."

"Actually, I was wondering why all the rooms here that have a floo, also have a separate fireplace". That was Hermione. Harry hadn't even noticed!

"Blacks are paranoid as hell", smirked Sirius.

"The thing about the floo is", he continued in a drawl, "that when you use a fireplace for both purposes, there's no security from the chimney side of things. The floo runes create the security on the room side, but the rest of the stuff behind the front face of the fireplace - which includes the grate and the chimney - needs to be open in order to for the floo mechanism to work at all. So, even with the best warding, the chimney is a weak spot".

"And only the Blacks knew about this?"

"Only the Blacks **remember** this", he smirked again.

"OK, fair enough. What did you do then?"

"The rest was mostly me and Remus. You really don't want to know, and I worry that you'll think less of us, but there was a lot of killing. The only thing that saves us from the gallows is that no one can prove it was us. I assume you two won't rat me out, even if you feel disgusted at what we have done?"

Harry and Hermione both ran up and engulfed him in a huge hug.

"Dumbledore told me there was a prophecy and only I could defeat Voldemort. So I'm very happy that you took care of that for me, so why would I think less of you?"

"Same here", said Hermione. "If it affects Harry, it affects me", she said with a slight blush, while tightening her hold on his arm and leaning ever so slightly toward him.

Sirius grinned, happy that they were not judging him. But...

"But there's still something to be cautious about", he said. "We put Riddle under truth serum - the moron was cursing Malfoy for not taking antidotes, but in his arrogance, he never thought _he_ would need to do the same - and he gave us a lot of information."

"Such as...?"

Sirius sighed.

It took a while but he explained the whole concept of horcruxes. How many he had made. That he could not die while even one was still in existence. And then...

"We found all the horcruxes he told us about, and we eliminated all of them, then we killed him. Or tried to, anyway. Because he didn't die. His spirit - pretty much like what you saw leave Quirrell's body in your first year - tried to escape."

"It was a good thing we were doing it in one of the dungeons on Black Island, one of the lesser known Shetland Islands, and this dungeon was warded to high heaven. So he couldn't escape - we managed to snare him and have now kept him imprisoned in a half-empty bottle of fire-whiskey that I happened to have with me."

"Half-empty?"

Sirius shrugged.

"Can he escape?"

"Not unless someone lets him out. And we've taken precautions against that happening while you are alive", said Sirius, nodding to Harry.

Harry looked puzzled at being singled out.

Hermione looked as if she was working something out.

"What happens after I die?" asked Harry.

"The spirit in the bottle will die", said Sirius. Then, just to introduce a bit of levity, "not the fire-whiskey, the other one".

Harry chuckled, but then noticed Hermione was not even acknowledging the joke with an eye-roll or something.

"Sirius, are you telling us Harry's scar is a horcrux?" Wisely, she had already laid hold of Harry in a tight sideways hug before she asked.

"Yes. And we will try and get it out, but even if we don't, as long as the bottle stays on Black Island, we're safe. I've warded the whole place even more than it was, and it was already pretty heavily warded".

Remus jumped in again. "We've got the best people working on it. We've also spread the word quietly, so that no one attempts to take their revenge on you - if you die, their master dies. So you just live your life like a normal teenage boy, Harry".

Harry sat down heavily on the sofa behind him, Hermione saying soothing things to him until he calmed down.

When he did, he suddenly realised something he was missing. "How did you grab Draco?", he asked Sirius. The other kids were easy - Hogsmeade - but Draco was inside the school.

Sirius just grinned. "Sorry, not my secret", he said.

Hermione just hoped her blush wasn't showing too much!

END


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